Burned and Scarred

Today I had the opportunity to take a baby hike through the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. It was on the to do list and since I was driving to California anyway I decided tomato it a part of my route and I am so glad I did. A million pictures and “wow’s” later and I have plenty to reflect on. At one point I had to just sit down and try to take it all in. I know it really is just some big hole in the gourd but it was magnificent. No words so I am just going to leave it at that. IF you haven’t been, get there. I would go again if you need a partner. I don’t recommend solo. I would have been more adventurous with someone to share the trip with but solo hikes are definitely not recommended.

But in all the massiveness that is the grand canyon which I barely scratched the surface of there was something far more important for me to see. There was a tree. Actually there were a lot of them as the Grand Canyon sits in a national forest. So driving in and out of the park there are masses of trees that I am sure get missed next to the canyon. There was one though that spoke to me above the hype of everything else around. As happens out this was you could tell that at some point there had been a fire in this part of the forest. Tress burned down to nothing but ashes. Others ling on the ground dead from the flames. But then there was this one tree. Nothing huge or majestic but in the midst of all the fire and death surrounding it, it was alive. It was not unscathed but it was alive.

So often I think it is easy to think that the only way to survive is to be unscathed by the troubles of this life. And while I do know a few people who for the most part have had no major storms hit their lives YET, most of us have rather we acknowledge that or try to keep up our Facebook perfect images of our lives. I do not fall into either category. I might fall more into the category of “holy cow she is a hot mess, really shitty stuff has been done to her and she has been no class act either.”

But that is where lesson and encouragement number two comes in.

As I looked at this tree for a moment I noticed how badly the bark was burned on the trunk. I cant even begin to imagine how this tree survived and the others didnt. And maybe I think too much about stuff. But I am painfully aware that I “shouldnt be alive.” From day one that what I heard and there have been plenty of times where my death seemed at hand and yet here I am. Burned, beaten and worn down. Covered by the scars of the choices that I have made and remnants of the fires others have placed me in. But this tree was doing something that maybe I am finding myself in a seas of as well. I saw places where the burned bark was falling to the ground. Where the inner trunk was exposed to the elements. It is risky to do this. To shed its protection but keeping the burned bark would cause the tree to suffocate and die.

How long and how often do we (or maybe its just me) hold onto the burns and scars for protection when what it is really doing is killing us? The suffocation that prevents new life and growth. Its scary and risk to release that protection for sure. To risk the elements, to be hurt and . . . to be raw. Accepting the emotions that might some with it. But this is where I and the tree come to a fork in the road. I risk shedding the burned bark and scars for a scary vulnerable road and chance at life and growth. Or I allow the death to isolate and suffocate me from any possible sources of life that try to reach me.

I dont understand why that tree made it and all the others around it did not. And I definitely don’t know why I have made it when everything said I wouldn’t. But what I do know is that I know have a choice to make. For today can I risk losing that “protection” that is in reality making it hard to breathe?