Little Orphan

The little orphan that never was . . .

There once was a little girl

Lost in the chaos of her world

Nothing more

Than the sum of mistakes and regrets

The grownups around her made.

She knew she wasn’t wanted

They made that very clear

One ran far away

The other was stuck

And the little girl knew

She should have never been here.

Unwanted.

Regretted.

Mistake.

They wished they could somehow get away.

So she was left alone

In the midst of the chaos of her world.

She saw and heard things

She should never see or hear

Behind closed doors

And in the outside world.
Some made her hurt
Others made her long.

The inside made her hard and distant

But there was something else

Something harder to see

That one thing was what it could be

What it should be.

What it never was.

All she ever wanted

Was to matter

To be wanted by someone

To be loved and to belong.

But the words and hands

That left her on her own

Came around only briefly

To be harsh and to hurt.

The mistakes and regrets

Could not be forgotten

But neither could that thing.

The hope and thought of adoption

To belong in a family.

But the ones who would

Speak daily of their mistakes

Who regretted not having an abortion

Had no space in their heads or hearts

For adoption.

The little orphan that never was

Might have been better off

And the ones that didn’t want her too

But instead the little orphan

Was trapped in a world of chaos where

She could never stand.

Well the days have passed

And the little girl has grown

Into an adult

Who can stand on her own.

The chaos behind the door is subdued

The words can no longer be heard

And pain no longer felt

But inside that grown woman

Is the little girl

The orphan that never was

Who no matter what age

Will want the same thing.

The little orphan that never was

Still lives inside of me

Age one or niney-nine

Will always want to be.

A real part of a family,

Not just a stray invited to the table

To belong.

To be wanted.

To be a part.

To be adopted.