The nurse I hope to be . . .

The nurse I hope to be . . .

I have been blessed to work in some incredible environments with some incredible people. I have worked with many nurses in various capacities through the years that have helped me make the decision to transition from social work to nursing myself. I have seen traits from the various nurses that I, myself wanted to adapt. I have learned a lot about the practical aspects of nursing and how to be that nurse that reaches for a hand and touches the heart. After starting nursing school, however, I met a nurse that truly inspired me. For the first time I found myself saying that I wanted to be the kind of nurse she was. Period. Not I like her technique of this or that but that she is who I want to be like.

I met this nurse after several interviews for a position as a tech in any of the local hospitals. I was discouraged. But I interviewed again with little hope that anything would come of it. This interview involved three nurses and it was a great experience but I would not hold my breath. After the conclusion of the interview one of the nurses took me on a tour of the unit. I hoped it was a good sign, I really did. This was a place I could work and would truly enjoy. And as this nurse shared the workings of the unit with me down to the whiteboards in each room to improve care and communication, I could see she had a great heart.

Then I was hired. I was trained and oriented. Time went on. I texted her for scheduling and got lost in the excitement and chaos that was the ICU.

My first day to work “on my own” was a Saturday. I walked in and quickly had plenty to do. I found myself in a room messing with cables with a nurse I was unfamiliar with. I hadn’t been there too long and with the way schedules rotated there were still plenty of nurses for me to meet. Trying to be the good kid, I politely introduced myself. She then replied something to the effect of, “I know, I was in your interview.” If I could have spontaneously combusted at that point I would have been more than happy to! She was understanding of the anxiety I was feeling that day as well as the interview and we laughed it off. I hope she has even forgotten it, although I have not. In all fairness she was in an administrative position but working the floor because there was a need.

This was not the only time I have seen this from her. I can recall several times when the nurses were strapped and overwhelmed and she gave no thought to jumping in to help. I have seen her nursing skills not dulled by her primary role as administration. To coordinate life saving efforts of a nursing team and think quickly and critically. I watched in amazement and tried to take it in.

Then there was the day I realized she epitomized the type of nurse I wanted to be. She was again assisting with a very unstable patient who coded multiple times within a matter of minutes. Nothing we were doing was going to change this patient’s fate. The family was called in to the room to be updated and given their options. In a moment their worlds fell apart as they were being prepared to say good-bye to a husband, father, brother and friend.

At this point in my own personal life I had worked for hospice for over 5 years and had found myself more hard than I even realized when it came to death. I will admit that this was not simply a professional thing but an intersection of that with my personal hardening to life and death and all that it implied. Just a year earlier my own father had died and I found myself even more hard in an attempt to cope and keep my head above water while in the chaos that is nursing school. The distance from hospice had softened this a bit but I continuously found myself questioning that line. The line of being supportive and genuine but maintaining professional character and distance. It was something that eluded me. I had seen other patients in the ICU breathe their last breaths but this was different. Likely a convergence of a number of things I looked up and saw this nurse focused intently on medications, documentation and EKGs. But her eyes were watering as the patient tried to force his last breath. She took one too. But she didn’t hide the fact. She took care of nurses and families and patients alike all with a human touch reaching towards their heart.

There was the line.

For the first time since starting with hospice I saw what it looked like and where it lay. I might be worse than the Grinch but my heart also grew at least one size that day.

This is why this nurse epitomizes the kind of nurse I want to be. She is highly skilled, an effective communicator and the essence of a good leader. All of this with a heart of understanding an compassion clearly seen to her patients and staff alike. I have been blessed to work with her and hope to grow into the kind of nurse that she is, one day.