Goalie Didn't Think

I am getting older. I am out of shape. I move much slower than I used to.

And I play soccer. I play goalie for many of the above reasons.

But Im not too bad at Goalie.

Then I realized that being in that goal is much like my own life. Periods of chaos and fear. Periods when there isn’t much going on and i’m on the verge of being bored. I recognize that not being bored involves a lot of risks like getting scored on or getting hurt, yet this calm is uncomfortable. (VERY MUCH LIKE MY LIFE- especially who I used to be.)

But man when the other teams offense has blown past most of my team it is on. I have done some pretty wicked moves that I cant even fathom and on lookers can not describe. I have broken bones, torn clothes and ligaments, and had a concussion or two. But I get up (most of the time) and get back into that same position to either be bored and be prepared for the next round of chaos.

A day or two after a recent game I was discussing with someone the worries of my world. Worrying about money and work and school and all of the many important decisions to be made. I have this tendency to be paralyzed by fear about pretty much every decision I make outside of what to eat and drink. So I will go on and on and on and on about every decision. Keep in mind this starts with prayer, and God is faithful to give answers. I am just as faithful to not trust those answers mostly because I dont trust myself to hear them accurately.

Then I was asked- how much do you think before stopping all of those soccer balls from going into the goal? My response was . . . I didnt think! I acted. 

Now please hear that I am not advocating for not thinking and praying through decisions. NOT AT ALL! But there was something to this statement on various levels. I recognize that one goal in a soccer game in the grand scheme of life is nothing but in that game it is everything. I am far from a professional soccer player but in the setting I am in I have to decided and commit. And hope for the best if I were to be completely honest.

The blocks that work out the best are not the best planned but the most committed. The ones that fail are ones in which I hesitate and fail to commit to a plan.

That leads to my second thought about the fact that I “didn’t think.” That was my response but it was only partially true. “I didnt think about what might happen if I gave it my all” would be a more appropriate response. And that was the key. I tend to be so focused on what could go wrong if I make each decision that I neglect to think about what could go right. This makes one unable to think about and hear God on the decision because it is blinded by seeking out the pain and bad.

In reality I think during the entire soccer game. In fact in a game that requires strategy I feel like Goalie is a position that requires more intelligence than any other position. (No offense to the offense out there!)  At any given moment during a game I am watching and anticipating moves of 13 other people. I am calculating angles both in front of and behind me without turning around. I am calculating risks, behaviors and skills of the other team and comparing it with mine. And I do this constantly, in anticipation of every play. When a shot is made I act. But it is not out of simple chance but careful ongoing calculation.

So yes when I get hurt or when I make a spectacular play I dont think. I live each moment to the best of my ability and awareness. I commit and throw every ounce of myself into that move. Then I hope for the best and breathe again when the ball is safely in my arms.

Now to get that to work a little better in the rest of my life!