I dont wanna . . .

I have been handed the same compliments time after time.

Deep ones, that should be extrememly flattering

And refreshing for my soul.

Its not really that they aren’t.

More that I don’t want them.

I don’t want to have to earn descriptors like

Strong, brave, persevering.

I don’t want to walk this long road alone

Isolated from those around me

By this invisible wall that everyone denies is there.

To have no one to turn to

Or be brutally honest with

No one that will be there through the changes of life.

Go run to your mom

Go run to your dad

I will lay here in my bed crying out to a God

Who either doesn’t hear me or just doesn’t respond.

When it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest

When I feel like I just cant go on.

Sometimes I cant seem to help but think about not living anymore

The essence of the end of this struggle is the sweetest thought I have

But you cant say things like that to people

So it is your secret

That along with the pain and pressure you feel

The flash backs and night mares

The internal turmoil that is involved in basic daily activities and interactions.

I don’t wanna fight these battles

I don’t wanna be alone

I don’t want to have to suffer these consequences

From the life I lived before

And especially not from other peoples choices

I don’t wanna fight any of these battles

And I certainly don’t want to fight them alone