Adventures in Nursing School . . .

Or should I say TO Nursing School?

Not too long ago I was a mess. Well I still am, but I was much worse.

I hated myself, had no hope and no future to see. My biggest goal in life was to die-the sooner the better. I was in and out of psych hospitals for failed suicide attempts and self-injury. I abused alcohol. I abused drugs. I abused myself.

The last time that I was in a hospital was 3 years ago. I was working as a Social Worker so I had to go to one in a town an hour away to try to prevent this episode from costing me my job. Shortly thereafter however, I quit my job to move to West Monroe, Louisiana. To go to Mercy Ministries.

Fast forward a couple of years and I decide I want to go to Nursing school. I am back at the job I quit to go to Mercy and love going out with nurses and watching what they do. I love what a few of them taught me. So i begin the process of retaking science classes that I took too long ago to count towards a degree at this point. 

As i gather information about the program I overhear a comment that had me slamming on the breaks . . . any criminal or psychiatric history can eliminate your ability to go to Nursing school and be a Nurse.

OUCH! Specifically if you were given certain labels. Check. Check. Check. 

After getting my head and heart back in the proper places I decided it was no big issue. I had to pay some money and fill out some extra paperwork and tell them that I am not that person anymore. Oh, and get a letter from the doctor who was seeing me at that time. The one who is no longer seeing me because I have been off of medicines for two years. The one who wont see or talk to me or in anyway give me the one thing that I need.

I fought and fought and fought. I even went to people to ask for help and prayers because I had no idea what to do. I could not provide them with the one thing that could clear my name and they ONLY wanted that one thing.

Then I became angry. So if i were a criminal I could get in. If i were still on the meds too. But since I gave up 7 months of my life, surrendered to Jesus and got the healing I needed I could not do what I longed so badly to do.

God continued to guide me through the process and through the appeals but “nothing”.

Then the letter came. The one that weighed only ounces but crushed every fiber of my being. DENIED. But this time it not only said denied but it said you have been removed from the computer system. And ever so politely, please do not bother to call back.  CASE CLOSED!

I fell apart for a bit . . .

Then I got up off of the floor and went to class. The last class i needed to start nursing school. The one that was now a waste of my time.

But God said GO.

God said do not do anything to jeopardize starting nursing school in January.

Sometimes people acted like I should give up. “GOD CLOSED THE DOOR.” Sometimes I thought the same thing. But God was faithful to remind me what he told me: do not do anything to jeopardize starting nursing school in January.

So i didnt.

A few friends didnt even act like I was crazy and got on their knees next to me.

Then it was time for the school to send out acceptance letters. I got mine. It was a bittersweet thing. And in reality meant NOTHING. 

Acceptance to the school was great but the next step was acceptance from the Board of Nursing and I knew I didn’t have that.

But again God prompted me. The week before the letter came I called to board. I know they said not to and that i was no longer in the system but I guess I needed to hear that was true since I had been believing something very different.

And my name was there! How I have no idea-other than my God moves mountains!

Yet, my name being there was no indicator of acceptance and time was running low.

Everyday I was having to decide. Was I going to continue to step out in faith when it involved my finances? When it involved my jobs and my worldly security?

A cautious step here and a cautious step there. People questioned my wisdom-as did I.

Then I woke up one afternoon. To prepare for my night job at a psych hospital. I now spend every weekend at one. Working. Isnt that Gods redemption!

I had been watching the mail every day for this blue card that would give me an answer. Knowing well in my head that the Board said that if it came it would not be until January-cutting very close to my deadline. I wanted to know NOW but was going to have to step out in faith until the first day of class even.

But if it came at 5:01pm that day it would be too late.

As i walked past the mail pile out of the corner of my eye I noticed a blue card. . .

But then the blue card was laying there-on top of the pile of mail. I could not breathe. I carefully peeked a bit further to see that it did in fact have the return address of the Board of Nursing.

I really could not breathe.

I wondered if it said no if it was still a blue card. Or if the blue cards were reserved for the yes-you are all clear notices.

I carefully picked it up by the corner as if I was afraid to touch it for some reason but couldn’t flip it over. I carried it just like that through the house to my roommate to ask her to read it first.

She casually responded “I already did” but showed no positive or negative affect. So i turned it over and read the words- BLAH BLAH BLAH “Your file is clear” BLAH.

My file was clear! The very things that were going to keep me from my dreams had somehow gone from detriment to clear. This was far more exciting than the acceptance into nursing school.

Yet all I could do is sit down. I couldn’t call anyone. I couldn’t jump up and down like i wanted to in my head. I couldn’t cry. I was simply OVERWHELMED.

My God not only moved a mountain, He moved the entire state of Texas.

And I will start nursing school January 17th. 

I still have to trust God with a lot of the details. I have to trust him to provide for my tuition. I have to trust him to provide for my bills as I can no longer work full time. I have to trust that he can get me through a very difficult program.

AND I CAN TRUST HIM! God is good. He is faithful and wants to bless His children with good gifts. 

THANK YOU JESUS!