Back in the Trenches . . .

We all have those pits
The ones that Beth Moore teaches us about.
Some dug by us, some by others.
Whether we are jumping, pushed or slide in.

Unforutnately I thought that those were the only ways that this happened.
So if i held my boundaries and made good choices- I would be okay.
Until three weeks ago when i was put right back in those same trenches by illness.
My body was not functioning properly.


Things that I chose not to walk in like starvation, vomitting and laxative use
Became my daily life-BUT NOT BY Choice
I couldnt eat and couldnt stop throwing up.
The doctor put me on the meds-what was i supposed to do?

The monster that i called food that had been squashed under my foot
Once again became a reoccuring nightmare.
Literally a monster standing in the kitchen
Staring me down as i trembled in fear.

And the vomitting which truly was an addiction that i had to break would not be held back
By even my strongest will and force.
I fought as much as i could but i was getting tired
Both physically and emotionally.

And realized there was nothing else I could do.
A change in health threw me back into that deep pit
That I had walked away from, only a year ago.

But then i realized something was different this time.
That pit that held me captive
That became so comfortable
Was no longer a pit
But a trench from which a war was being won.

I didnt want to be there this time
I used to dream of being here
It was comfortable and easy
This would have been a dream come true previously.
But not this time.

And although i was not fighting it well
I knew I wanted to fight it
And that is where it started
My pit became a trench from which victory would come.

I would not surrender to those monsters in my house
The kitchen and the bathroom would not have me cower down in fear
Instead I said no
I dont want to be this way.
And I planned my way out

There an element of shame began to creep in
Saying how sad that you have to schedule times to eat
And give yourself such pep talks every time.

But then i was reminded that this time I wanted to fight
And there is no shame in that!
When you are in the trenches
You have choices to make
Do I want to stay here and
Am i willing to do what it takes?

I had already learned from expreience
That the longer you are down there
The deeper it is
And harder it gets to get out.

So i jumped up and yelled
I will not be swallowed whole-
Satan you will not win again!

And then I put Jesus right back-
Back where he needed to be
Back in the focus of my vision.

And turns out when you are in the trenches
No matter how deep or wide
Or how big or scary that monster might be
Next to Jesus
It is even smaller than me!

Now that is what can happen
When you are back in the trenches
I will and you can
Have the Victory!